A geriatric mother

I had my third bub at the tender age of 43 and now a month off 45 (when did that creep up on me??) I find myself with an extremely active and rambunctious 15 month old little boy running around.  There is a fair bit of “Oh God I’m too old for this!” going on at the moment.

I know I am not the only one.  Of my Mums group with my first child (I was 36 so well above the national average of 29) I fitted somewhere in the middle age wise, and I wasn’t the only one to have a late third.  Some of the Mums I know at school are also well and truly in my age bracket, which is extremely comforting, although I fear by the time my third reaches school I am going to be found out a bit.  Those damn wrinkles.

Loved the medical practice’s attitude towards us oldies.  It’s bad enough that they put the frighteners on with horrible stats around miscarriage, high risk of twins (didn’t know that one!) and numerous chromosomal abnormalities, but to add insult to injury, I was called either a ‘geriatric mother’ or of ‘advanced maternal age’ on all the various forms.  Lovely.  Lots of extra tests are encouraged as you can imagine and it’s all quite a trial.  Makes you feel somewhat in the bad books for having the cheek to have a baby at such an ‘advanced’ age!  Sigh.  It’s not like we need reminding but thanks anyway.

So with my great age, must come wisdom (surely!?) so I thought i’d put together a short list outlining my experiences of being a, God forbid, ‘geriatric mother’.  Let me tell you third time around helps too ; )

Good news:

  • I soooo don’t care about keeping up with the Joneses.
  • I don’t have to worry about wearing any kind of short skirt or skimpy outfit – think mutton dressed as a lamb.  Comfortable (and dare I say somewhat daggy) is just fine by me.
  • Been there, done that.  Kinda of know what to expect third time around.
  • Poop, vomit, mess, general yuckiness does not throw me in the least.
  • There’s no panic if junior doesn’t eat what he’s given.  They’ll eventually eat, promise.
  • Organic?  Sorry, all to hard.  Whatever is in the fridge is just fine.
  • No such thing as a schedule.  He’ll just have to fit in.

Bad news:

  • The knees, hips, shoulders and back hurts where it shouldn’t.
  • Harder to bend down to pick up the numerous toys, containers, pots, pens, remotes etc, etc that get randomly thrown about.
  • COMPLETELY over going to the park.
  • I’m going to look ridiculous at the beach, park, school grounds wherever at 55 trying to play ball with my 10 year old.
  • I fit in at the school ok now, but when Mr 1 year old goes to school at 5 and a bit I am going to look (and lets be fair, I will actually be) ancient.
  • The kids have no appreciation at all for 80’s music and I don’t know any other kind.
  • Despite my general laziness to make any effort to ‘look the part’ I do in fact feel quite bad sometimes that I could do better (that particular term has been written on my report cards from school for as long as I can remember – that’s probably saying something).

Here’s an article in Scary Mommy on being an older Mum.  She’s got it pegged.

And the little one said is a boutique online children’s clothing, accessories, toys and home decor site run by two sisters with lots of kids between them and a love of all things beautiful.

 

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Bye bye baby

prue back

My 3 Year old started preschool today. I don’t think a little girl could have been any more excited than this little girl, the whole family was excited! At 6am I awoke to 3 little girls fully dressed and fretting at my failure to have made lunch yet.

And I wanted it all to stop. Freeze. For the love of God, SLOW DOWN! Because she was ready but I sure as hell wasn’t.

I spoke to my husband last night about it. This is the first time in 6 1/2 years I won’t have at least one child to look after, it’s not like having someone babysit for an hour or having time when they are asleep, this is ‘I’m not being Mum’ time… he didn’t get it. He just hoped the house might get cleaned now.

We dropped my big girl at school and I was about to continue on with my two big preschoolers when a friend and her child caught up to walk together. To a rational mind, this was Perfect! The girls laughed and talked together, it was just another day, we talked as we followed and my 3 year old walked into preschool like she owned the place, she felt right at home, perfect.

The crazy loopy rejected mother mind was going NO. no no no no no, you don’t walk with us, this is my last 10 minutes of being with my baby, I was planning on hugging her 50 times on the way to preschool, I was going to stop and look at all the different flowers and not hurry her at all, I was going to ask her to tell me a story about clouds and sing a song with her. Sure I would have made her paranoid as hell and she probably would have suspected I was leaving for good and had a meltdown when I left… But I wasn’t ready!

After drop off, I checked I had my bag and keys over and over because something didn’t feel right, It was a sickening feeling. Then I rang my husband, shouted about my ‘moment’ being torn away from me and had a good cry. He quite rightly pointed out it was the perfect way for her to start … but I always feel better after a good shout so proceeded to rant all the way to the coffee shop regardless. It had nothing to do with my lovely friend and everything to do with the growing up of both my children and me it seems.

I didn’t think I was that sentimental but this has been tough. I’m having an extra big wine tonight and hugging all my girls a bit longer because as much as I hate the idea, we are on to another chapter. (insert a whole lot of expletives) We don’t have babies anymore, and that’s so increadibly sad.

Thank God for Grandparents!

We have had no regrets moving to Australia, but of course there are a couple of things that we miss from home like old friends and family and silly things like Twisties, Bluff oysters, onion dip, Tui’s (the bird, not the beer, although the beer is pretty good come to think of it…), that sort of thing. The bit we miss the most though is definitely not having grandparents just around the corner!

 

Luckily, our Mum and Dad have just come over from New Zealand to stay in Australia for 3 months – YIPPEEEEE!!

They have six grandchildren here, so more than enough kids to keep them very busy!  They’re all young and full of beans and want nothing more than to bounce or climb all over Grandma and have Grandad chase them down the hall. It must be exhausting! They don’t complain though. I think they know they can give them back at the end of the day, and it’s for a finite time so it will soon go back to the twice a year visits.

For my sister and I it is EXTREMELY helpful and a bit of a godsend to have them here. How do people cope without Grandma and Grandad around to help out every now and again? Makes a world of difference to how much you can get done having the kids off your hands – in good hands, and you know they are having fun. Even if it is for a few hours, it’s brilliant!

The kids all LOVE them to death of course, and would much rather hang out with fun grandparents than yelly parents any day.

When they have to go home again, the kids, and more to the point, we are going to be DEVASTATED! It’s ages away and already we’re dreading it! Sigh.

We need a teleport machine thingy.

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And the little one said has a love of good design, beautifully made, quality children’s clothing, toys, accessories and home décor – in fact, all manner of stylish things for your little one. The range has been carefully selected from Australian and New Zealand designers and go from newborn up to size 10.

And the little one said –‘ because everyone needs a little style’